THE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY
Having the time to get away and be with myself has been such a beautiful reminder of how important it is that I make the time to get away and be with myself. Oh, how I have been avoiding her.
I’ve started to remember just how much I love to write. How important it is for me to purge my thoughts, out of me and into the world, releasing the pressure or misconception that I am expected to hold all of “this” on my own. This is me, handing it all over.
My 2019 started with my grandmother dying, painfully ending a relationship with a woman I dearly love, and getting robbed on a layover in Barcelona. These events came after a one-month-long tour around California of me preaching to everyone I know about surrender and allowing.
Today, 5 months later:
I just received the newest version of the iPhone and MacBook Pro, covered nearly in full by insurance. Two items I would have never been able to afford had they not been stolen.
My previous partner and I have continued to stay committed to doing the work together, whatever that may mean. Previously, I had not honored our connection or myself. I acted out of force, attachment, obligation, and resentment. I was not able to be fully “in relationship”. As Ganjagi has said, “You can’t really be in relationship, of any kind, including with yourself, until you’re willing to loose it all, death of some kind, whether it’s death into the cosmic nothingness or death in loosing what you think your relationships are.” Today, after many months of struggle, I feel nothing but freedom, openness, spaciousness, joy, and an unbearable excitement to simply be fully IN love with this human in each waking moment, devoid of expectation.
Gayle Murphy, I bow to you and am in complete surrender to the divine plan and our cosmic connection. Thank you for respecting me, holding me, triggering the living shit out of me, and loving me so incredibly tenderly. Thank you for continuing to invest time and energy into the path we walk together. Thank you for not walking away. Thank you for waiting for me to catch up. Thank you for voicing when you need me to slow down. I could not ask for anything better, with anyone better.
And once again I am reminded that I know nothing. I am merely unable to fathom the vastness and abundance that is waiting for me right around the corner. It is patient, with only one condition, that I receive it.
I’ve stood outside of this window long enough, today I’m deciding to climb through.
Now we are back, full circle. Trust. Surrender. Allow.
